Well, someone’s gotta stick their neck out, right? Before I make my Champions League predictions for the round of 16, let me preface this by saying that if you were smart, you’d take the opposite of most of my picks. I am almost always wrong. San Diego Chargers fans of American football… I’m sorry, it was my fault this year. I was at a bachelor party in Vegas, I was bored, the sports book was right there, and the Jets seemed like such an inferior team… I didn’t mean to curse you.
Anyway… on to today’s previews…
AC Milan vs. Manchester United
Overview: Everyone seems excited about this match. Here’s my question: why? AC Milan is a club so off the rails they threw a temper tantrum because they lost Oguchi Onyewu! Do you think Sir Alex even knows who Gooch is? My suspicion is that the list of Americans Sir Alex knows looks something like this: 1. That guy for Fulham who always scored against us 2. That keeper I gave to Everton (ugh, want that one back) 3. Some really great California Pinot Noirs.
Potential Mitigating Factor: On the other hand, I really believe that if anything were to happen to Wayne Rooney, Manchester United would be a very average power. If he did happen to get injured, I think Milan would have a puncher’s chance.
Key Player: See above.
Key Matchup: Are we going to get Michael Carrick versus Andrea Pirlo? I wish every young American footballer would watch these two guys and learn about reading the game and moving play with your passing rather than your legs.
Best Chance for Funny: Is Ronaldinho still pretending that it isn’t over? Yes? That should write itself… wait, you say that Beckham is also on Milan? We could face an epic battle of weaknesses! What happens if David Beckham tries to dribble past Paul Scholes? Does Scholes finally make a clean tackle? Does Beckham finally beat someone off the dribble? How many red cards would take place? One? Two? Would the world end once we knew the answer?
Final Answer: This is Sir Alex’s push for a big finish, he’s not going out in the round of 16.
Real Madrid vs. Olympique Lyon
Overview: Real Madrid are on a mission to get out of this round. Lyon might be combing the desert for Juninho. 8 points adrift in Ligue 1, it is hard to see this as a competitive tie.
Mitigating Circumstances: Pressure. Given the streak of going out in this round, it is not a stretch to say these are the most important matches of the season for Real. Will they choke? Will Benzema struggle against his old side? Will he play? Has anyone seen the disparity in the wage bill between these two sides?
Key Player: Hugo Lloris. The Lyon keeper is going to need some magic against Real… but suppose he does? Do frustration and doubt set in if he makes a couple of key stops early?
Key Matchup: Kallstrom vs. Xabi Alonso. Everyone knows Xabi Alonso can get chippy. IF the pressure mounts, maybe they can draw a red card out of him… it sure would be karmic, wouldn’t it? Lyon are gonna need this kind of fortune to have a chance.
Best Chance for Funny: We haven’t mentioned Cristiano Ronaldo yet! Even in victory, there are plenty of lazy, lousy attempts to draw fouls from the man nicknamed “Greg Louganis.”
Final Answer: Real scores first… pressure subsides… then Real scores often.
Tune in later to find out who I curse in tomorrow’s matches!
Steven Maloney is a contributing writer for Glorious Football and a Professor of Political Science at the University of Saint Thomas in Saint Paul, Minnesota. He can be reached for comment at steven.maloney@gmail.com.
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