A Free Transfer to Major League Soccer

Well, well, well… I think now would be a good time to offer amnesty. The offer sheet looks something like this:

TO: The Riders on the Hate-Train

FROM: The MLS Bandwagon

RE: Free Transfer

Dear Hate-Train Passenger,

We would like to offer you a free transfer to the MLS bandwagon. No fees, no penalties. Now, we on the bandwagon are a mix of personalities. I cannot guarantee that some of your new teammates are going to be a little precious about how they have seniority (in fact, for some, I can guarantee the opposite), but feel free to ignore them and get on with your business. Your side is going nowhere, and we’re giving you a chance at a new start (sort of like Nery Castillo)

You might think that you have some advantages by staying on the hate train. There are still some matches that gather appalling attendance figures. Major League Soccer seems to be trapped on a continent where the only two good club leagues play schedules so that they are never in season at the same time. Henry, Marquez, et. al are certainly not in their prime, and it is more than a little bit grating to hear the commentators constantly insist the opposite (Taylor Twellman side note #1: Like Taylor Twellman. Would like him more if he and JP would talk less. Everyone sees this as a problem, what am I missing that ESPN does not get this?) Yes, the match last night had a lot of stars and was ultimately decided by a guy who practically rolled out of bed from college and into the league, followed closely by the “finishing” of New York’s Kandji.

We’re being honest here in our negotiations, so let’s be real. Kandji is the real face of the league if we are talking about the majority of players. He is athletic, strong, aggressive, and occasionally looks terrific. But his technical and mental abilities (at least, at this point) make him one of those teases that cloy at the back of a manager’s brain constantly. Do you play the inconsistent but occasionally brilliant guy or the guy who has a lower ceiling but a higher floor for his match to match performances? Taylor Twellman seemed incredulous that Red Bull said they are looking for a third striker to play 4-3-3. ”How could they need another striker with Henry and Angel?” Taylor, we were at Maryland at the same time, so I want to cut you some slack, but even I can count to three. (Taylor Twellman side note #2: Talyor, I love that you’re in the booth, I really do, but could you stop with the “the kids today” bit? I know that you’re trying to play the “hey a lot of people play youth soccer, maybe if the commentary guy for game of the week gave good advice for how they could get better, more youth players would tune in to MLS” angle, which shows you’re thinking seriously about your job and I totally respect that. But the way you do it sounds like a bad Bill Cosby bit. Also, you went to college when I did, and the friends I have, if they have kids, they are no more than two years old. So, you are a wee bit young to be getting your curmudgeon on with today’s players. Remember the college football coach who boasted, “I’m a man! I’m 40!” Well, you’re 30.) Besides, after watching Khandji for 90 minutes, I think the answer to “why get a third striker” might have something to do with preserving the mental health of Hans Backe.

So you might say, are you defending MLS or knocking it? Ah, but that’s the joy. I’m knocking it… lovingly. This is the art you must learn after your transfer to the bandwagon has been cleared through all the official channels. Look, Kei Kamara, a player for Kansas City did this. That’s funny. One’s MLS partisanship does not change that one way or another. One does not forfeit their right to criticize by being on the bandwagon. Ever hear the expression about how you can complain about your own family in ways that you would never tolerate someone else doing? That applies here.

There are always moments to be critical, no matter how well things are going generally. But wise people don’t follow the most recent story, wise people follow trends. There are two obvious trends in MLS. First: any team that fires Alexei Lalas as general manager instantly becomes a better side. Second: the league gets better every year. Major League Soccer just put Freddie Ljungberg, Thierry Henry, Juan Pablo Angel, Brian McBride, Nery Castillo, and Rafa Marquez on the same field. Sold out the stadium, too. Additionally, not even the ceaseless match commentary could drown out the terrific spirit and voice of the crowd, who sang the entire match. They sing everywhere now. The reputations of the supporters is beginning to rival the reputation of the clubs in importance. The more people who go out and they see the singing, the more people are going to come.

If you ask the American sports consumer “would you like a sporting event where you get just the event, no timeouts, no instant replay, no TV breaks, and none of the wretchedly overproduced antics that other American sports designed to make you forget you are at a sporting event?”, they would say yes before you could even add, “the entertainment is that the fans come and sing songs together, and the whole thing only requires about two hours of your time”. Look: soccer is, plain and simple, an excellent product. And if Americans are anything, they are sophisticated consumers. Maybe a little slow sometimes, maybe a little excessively loyal to old things, but ultimately sophisticated.

Many say the sport needs to be played at the highest level for people to care. I disagree. I think that the sport needs to generate narratives that are interesting. The narratives are getting better. Guillermo Barros Schelotto is here because he loves living in America with his family. That’s the immigrant tale that we all share in common in this country. Nery Castillo says he chose MLS because he felt appreciated by Fire ownership. They emphasized what they liked about him rather than his question marks in talking to him. That shows a more sophisticated ownership in the transfer market and allows Nery Castillo to play the most common card in American sports: “No one believed in me but my team and teammates, so I will play my guts out for them.” Americans eat that stuff up. Rafa Marquez, who like Blanco before him, was the arch-villain of the American soccer nation, has come to our shores and is generating excitement, potentially dramatically reforming the relationship between the US and Mexico in terms of football. Yet, his decision to come does not come with dramatic Beckham-like statements about a mission, just the rather simple logic that a move to New York seemed to make a lot of sense to him personally and financially. Kansas City is caught up in some quasi-insane transfer news that has been a blast to follow. Chicago’s technical director Frank Klopas compared Freddie Ljunberg to Peter Nowak. Both wonderful players. Both wonderful players now officially each a part of Chicago Fire history. This just in: MLS has a history. Not a long one, but a pretty decent one.

This league has things happening. The best is still yet to come, but the next story that is interesting no longer takes months or years to materialize, but days, sometimes hours. 18 teams next season. 19 the season after. Perhaps a brand new New York Cosmos the year after that.

Right now, being a passenger on the hate-train is becoming a bumpy ride. Trust me, you do not want to go where this train is taking you. Get off the hate-train at the next stop. Get on the bandwagon.

Offer expires at the end of the next match-week.

Written By Steven Maloney (80 Posts)

Steven Maloney is a regular contributor for Glorious Football. You can follow him on Twitter @stevenmaloney. Like Albert Camus, he fancies himself as having learned his morals "on the football pitch and in the theater." His football writing interests are in the institutional structures and strategies of world football, as well as the ways in which contemporary politics enters into the world of football and vice-versa. His most cherished memories of the game are of being in Holland for Euro 2000. In the interests of full disclosure, he supports Arsenal, the United States and DC United.